Bleh.

I always seem to find beauty in every single thing but myself.

That's normal, right?

It's been a rough week for me, my wisdom teeth are starting to push all my teeth together, so every other day my mouth simply aches for hours... Hopefully setting up an appointment soon, but seeing as I have zero dental coverage I'll be paying for this for a while...

Heat in the car went out, as I was driving home from a friends at 1am... Not a fun experience. Put some oil and coolant in her and the heat was better, but I dropped her off for an oil change and the mechanic is gonna take a look...

I love my stratus, she's been there for me when I needed her and gotten me to where I need to be, but she's 13 years old and has over 187k miles, and I doubt she'll last me another year...

Thanksgiving is next week, and it's looking like it's just going to be my mother and I... Depressing huh?

And yay! Christmas! Only this year, not really. The only person in my immediate family that is financially well off is my father, so Christmas has basically been cancelled. woot...

I'm a pretty upbeat person, but there have been so many negatives pushing me down recently...

It's become harder and harder for me to look at myself and think "Pretty!"

Even now that i've (sorta) learned to apply makeup, I just seem to find flaw after flaw after flaw... WTF?!

I didn't used to be like this, I mean sure I didn't think I was hot shit or anything like that, but I always thought I was adorable... Now i feel just "Bleh"

I'm not trying to complain to you guys, or get some sympathy or a pity party... Please no pity party, I hate them, I just wanted to get it all out there... I didn't want to keep just mulling it over in my head for the next few months.

One (possibly) good thing has happened though, my best friend (who I recently stopped talking to, due to her getting back together with her heroine addicted, drunk abusive ex) recently got back in touch with me, apologizing for how she pushed me away when I was just trying to be a good friend.

He's out of rehab, and has been working full time and helping her fix up an apartment they just began renting, and he's been clean and sober for two months now... So i'm happy for them, and I hope he can stay on this path. So, with time I think i'll have my best friend back.

Here's hoping you guys have wonderful holidays this year, get to see your family this Thanksgiving and Christmas, and give and receive gifts from the ones you love!

I love you guys, you've kept me sane. I mean that...

Those "UGH" days...

Every woman has them, those days that you look into the mirror and just think "UGH"... THOSE DAYS SUCK!

I had that day yesterday, and i'm half having that day today...

I don't think i'll ever have them as bad as most women do, I never had a killer body, I never had the time to be "sexy".

Growing up, I never tried to have any sexual appeal. I had 32B's by the time i was 12, and I wasn't happy with them. They got in the way!!! They made people look at me!! Boys wanted to touch them!! (ewwww)

I was a tomboy through and through, I still am.

So, when I finally reached the age of sexiness, it was a little too late.

Now that I was old enough to use it properly, I didn't really feel like I had it anymore.

While my tummy was flat, and my ass was round, they were both covered with stretch marks, which will remain there FOREVER.

Well YAY!

My breasts have done well, i've seen much worse, but it still saddens me that I can't expose even the tiniest of cleavage without my scars showing...

I even have them on my insides of my knees!


So i suppose, in some way i'm lucky. I've only felt sexy while these scars resided on my body, so I probably have less of a problem with them than most women do...

Still, if there were some magic surgery that erased stretch marks I'd be ON THAT SHIT!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to rant a little bit...

Love you my bb's.

Right near da beach, boiiii!

I'm really only doing this because stupid fucking twitter won't let me tweet pics to you guys, and i have some awesome pics... at least in my humble opinion.

I've been able to email them to the people who got the sexy vacay pic package, so i'm hoping this will work.

But before I do that, i'm sure you're dying to hear about the happenings going on.

The ride made me want to drive the car into oncoming trafic... Both my sister and my father are pretty egotistical, and have slight sociopath tendensies...

I can't believe i'm related to them.

But it's gorgeous here, and quiet, i can escape with a 15 minute walk, and neither of them are in shape enough to want to even walk 15 minutes down the beach...

I'm being mean, but seriously it's just a nightmare with them.

3 hour intervals i can handle, but a car ride and sharing a hotel room was horrid.

But as i said, it's lovely here, warm, there's no one around... I literally shared the entire beach with 5-10 people today.
Watched a crab clean out his or her home, so cute.
Apparently this is where they shot the korea and shrimp boat scenes in forrest gump, So i MUST find this dock...

OH!
Almost forgot.

Last night around 1-2am, i was out on the balcony smoking and drinking a corona. (YES I DRINK THAT SHIT BLAH BLAH HUSH YOUR MOUTH) =D

And there's no city anywhere near here, so the stars are just gorgeous. Brighter than i have seen in a long while, and it was completely clear, i spend nearly 2 hours just staring at different sections as it was so much that i had to focus on spots just to admire it.

Well, the pool was closed, which nearly deterred me until i dipped my foot in and found the water to be the most perfect temperature... so I said fuck it and got it.

Floating in a warm, empty, quiet pool while watching these bright, simply
amazing looking stars, is one of the most wonderful things i've ever experienced.


Soooo good.
Literally.

Vacation!

So... For some reason I thought that this vacation wasn't until the end of June, giving me ample time to explain that i can't really afford to go on vacation and not work for 8-10 days, but I got a text 2 days ago... "Picking you up friday at noon for vacation! yay!!!"


Fuck...


And i stupidly went mia for almost 7 days last week, go me!


Ahhh well, i'll survive.


But yeah, heads up, i doubt very much that i will get a chance to broadcast while i'm there. I'll miss you guys! Don't worry, i'll be on that twitter, tweeting pics of the ocean and making you all jealous.

While i'm gone though, you guys should think about donating to my gofund.

As you should know by now, though i suppose i haven't really promoted this... I'll be at exxxotica in chicago this july, and i would love my dolphin tattoo coverup to be finished.

i opted to lose the skull in my original idea, and go with one of my raven stencils.


http://www.gofundme.com/ZooeysInk






























This would be more appreciated than offline tips...

Anyway, I don't even really want to go on vacation, i'm not super close with my family except for my mom, and this vacation is with my father and sister...
We don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, i suppose i'm considered the black sheep of my family to them.
They care about stupid stuff that i find to be unimportant...
They're always getting angry over the most ridiculous things...

But alas, i suppose a free trip to the beach will be nice... I'll just have so much to do once i get back.



Blah.


Okay, thanks for reading!

>333

Wanna see 'em?

Every pic i've ever posted with my tummy, has in some way been edited to smooth everything out.

So fuck it.

For the first time EVER...


Zooey's unedited tummy!

(It's still a fine tummy is you ask me)

I feel so liberated...

=D

Story time

Well, here we go.

I was sixteen, and my boyfriend at the time (this being the boy I lost my virginity to, and was later engaged to) was 19 turning 20.

Oh to be young and stupid again, yeah... no thanks.

I was freaking out, pretending that everything was okay, ignoring the signs... Back then, having a child meant your life was over, not "Hey, here's a television show and a bunch of money!"

Once I told my parents, we spent a lot of time thinking of what it was that we were going to do.

Sperm donor and I decided on adoption, his parents wanted me to have an abortion, and to be honest I considered it... But I couldn't do it.

We decided on an open adoption, which is where the couple keeps in contact with you, sends pics, etc. After finding the perfect couple (literally perfect...) we went and met them and the adoption agency...

If i had the time and energy, i'd write you guys a book about this time in my life... but alas i don't, so here's the story in a nutshell.

in June of 2004 I had a little boy, me and sperm donor were parents for 3 days before we signed the papers.

And now?

Him and his family come to visit once a year, and me and my family visit him as well.

He's freaking adorable, super smart, athletic, he's only 8 and he has a 6-pack...

He knows i'm his birth mother, and he sends me letters and stuff he makes at school for my birthday.

All in all, everything turned out for the best. He's happy, his parents are happy, and I know that if me and sperm donor had tried to be teenage parents, we would have failed miserably.

For as much of a care-giver personality as I have, I really am not maternal... I don't know why, I just don't want to be a mom. (though never say never of course)

So there you have it.
My story.
Crazy huh?

This is why you guys never get a clear shot of my abs, they're toned as fuck, but stretched skin just doesn't rebound lol.

<333

Comments? Questions? This is where to ask.

And we're off, again.

Sorry for the confusion, just realized the the email that's associated with my last blog is pretty dead and unused, so i'm switching it over to my reg email.

Don't ask, it doesn't really matter.

Anyway...


I'm officially settled in the new house, pretty stoked about that.

Also just got my e-cig started pack in the mail today, tested it out... I know that it's something I will have to get used to, but it isn't as bad as it could have been, my friend Roxi had an e-cig and it tasted like crap and just made me crave a real cigarette. I've only puffed on this one a few times and I already like it a lot better. Tastes nice, smells good, smooth hit, etc. So far so good, so i'm happy.

I just wanted to thank you guys for the past 2 weeks, even though i've been sorta MIA from moving, and have been doing 'shows' where i just kick it, as opposed to getting naked, you guys stuck around.

Thanks.


Well, i suppose this time is as good as any to get this off my shoulders...

If you haven't noticed my array of stretch marks, you're blind... Go see your eye doctor now plz bb.

And while i was a little thick during my college years, I didn't gain or lose enough weight to have gotten them that way...

You guessed it, ZOOEY WAS A TEENAGE MOM.

gasp.

Now, i don't have a lot of time at the moment to go and tell the whole story and explain every single detail... so i'll try that out in my next post either tomorrow or saturday.

In the meantime, PLEASE don't ask me a bunch of questions or try and talk to me about it on twitter or when i'm on cam, unless you're one of my regs (You know who you are) and then, only in pm please.

There are some IRL people that don't even know about this, so feel special.

I will answer questions and talk more about it HERE AND VIA EMAIL ONLY.

It's really none of your business, but I figured it needed to be put out there eventually, and since i've been camming for almost a year... now's the time.

I PROMISE, one day, two tops, I'll write out the whole story in my next blog post.

k bb's?

Zooey