The way I work.

As most of you know, I'm more of a loner than anything else.

I keep to myself, only allowing a few people who have managed to get on my good side to spend time with me. I work best alone, rather than in a group. When i'm in a group, I tend to let people work how they like, and I simply pick up the slack. After working with a group, I don't feel pride in whatever we have worked on, as in my eyes it hasn't come from me.

It's the same reason I don't have many tattoos, i'm not willing to have something on me that isn't from me and only me. I don't want to give an artist an "idea" and then they whip something up for me, I want to design and create every single detail. It is going to be MINE AND MINE ALONE.

Perhaps that's a flaw of some sort, to be honest I'm sure it's gotten in the way of accomplishing some things in my life. But I really enjoy it. I love being able to be proud of something that comes only from me, my brain, my hands, my mind, my idea. It's wonderful, though happens rarely since I often abandon halfway through after deciding that I'm simply not good enough for the task I've put out for myself.

One way in which it deters me is in camming, I hate camming when there are people in the house. Sleeping people I can deal with, but would rather not. I prefer to cam when i'm 100% alone. Some of you may remember my old apartment, that was me when I was alone... I feel like It was more fun back then.

Perhaps another reason I used to have more fun on cam, was that I didn't have an HD cam. I know that I don't broadcast in HD, because my netbook doesn't quite have the strength to do so, but on my own screen I still see a very clear and detailed broadcast of myself. Maybe most models don't do this, but I watch myself very closely while I cam. It's very important to me to know exactly what i'm putting out there, and it's exhausting. If i feel like i don't look good, i don't feel good. No matter what anyone in chat is saying, my opinion of myself reigns supreme, and impacts how i feel about both the camming session and my own looks. Back when I was just using my netbooks webcam, minor details that i would normally scrutinize wouldn't be visible to me. Besides using the lesser cam, I also didn't have my monitor, and thus saw myself much smaller, making details less obvious to me. Shrugs.

Camming is really the worst job in the world for me. One day i'll make really great money just hanging out and having fun, then 3 days later no one seems to be interested in tipping and I'm making minimum wage trying to convince people to buy videos... But i love you guys, so i'm sticking with it. Atleast until I somehow manage to figure out what I really want to do in life and find myself a real job. Ha.

Alright fuckers, thanks for hanging in there with me.
I wonder how many people will read this entire thing.
Tweet me the word "Cuntosaurus" and i'll post a video of me taking a huge bong hit for the first time in 2014 and send it to you.
Love youuuuuuuuu!!!


<3 zoos

Ashley

What more can be said that hasn't already been told? Nothing...

An arrest has been made (her roommate, who can be seen in a few photos up on Ashley's twitter...), and the news said she "Died of violence" so I can only assume...

It breaks my heart.

I'm generally a nice person, but it takes a lot for someone to really get on my good side, and she was on my good side...

She was one of the few other girls on cb who would come into my room and actually just hang out.

And she was one of the only girls who's room I felt comfortable in while she herself was broadcasting, sometimes you can just tell that the girl broadcasting doesn't want another model in her room, and Ashley wasn't like that... She was so happy to see me...

Most of you know i'm from Ohio, as Ashley is. We had talked about meeting up sometime, maybe get on cam and maybe not, we hadn't really decided. Wish we would have.

She was the only female to have my kik, i enjoyed the booty pics she often sent me.

I miss her already, she was so fucking young, just a baby... she wasn't sick, she wasn't old, she wasn't dying... Her life was stolen selfishly from her. It isn't fair.

What sucks is that she was a better friend to me than some friends I've had for decades... I wish I would have met her, it sucks that I only have internet and texting memories of her.

Mourning has ruined my sleep schedule, which was already ruined but now it's worse.
Fell asleep at 10pm and woke up at midnight, haven't been able to fall asleep since then and it is now 2:30am... And i'm just sitting here, bawling every 5 or 10 minutes.

She did not deserve to die the way she did...

She was a Laveyan Satanist, which is one of several regions identifying as satanic. Followers are atheists who stress dependence on ones SELF rather than the reliance of any outside power.
To her, Satan was a myth, just like God and other deities.

So don't pray for her, she wouldn't have wanted that.

Just live the best life you can, learn to rely on yourself, focus on your individualism and self determination!

Above all, remember her as she was, always.